Quotes

Jerry Maguire: I am out here for you. You don’t know what it’s like to be ME out here for YOU. It is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about, ok?

Jerry Maguire: I don’t like black people? I am Mister black people.

Jerry Maguire: I lost the number one draft pick the night before the draft!
Rod Tidwell: Well, boo-fucking-hoo.

Jerry Maguire: I’m still sort of moved by your “My word is stronger than oak” thing.

Jerry Maguire: I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game *featuring you*, while singing your own song in a new commercial, *starring you*, broadcast during the Superbowl, in a game that you are winning, and I will not *sleep* until that happens. I’ll give you fifteen minutes to call me back.

Laurel: You fuck this up, I’ll kill you!
Jerry Maguire: I’m glad we had this talk.

Jerry Maguire: I’m not trying to make history here.

[Rod has just told Jerry he will keep him as his agent]
Jerry Maguire: That’s great. I’m very… happy.
Rod Tidwell: That’s what I’m gonna do for you. God bless you, Jerry. Now this is what you’re gonna do for me. You listening?
Jerry Maguire: Yeah, yeah, what can I do for YOU, Rod?
Rod Tidwell: It’s a very personal, very important thing. Hell, it’s a family motto. Now are you ready? Just checking to make sure you’re ready (Rod turns his boom box real low) here it is – show me the money. (He now blasts the boom box at full level) OHHH! SHOW! ME! THE! MONEY! Doesn’t it make you feel good just to say that, Jerry? Say it with me one time brother!
Jerry Maguire: …Show you the money.
Rod Tidwell: Oh, come on, you can do better than that! I want you to say it brother with meaning! Hey, I got Bob Sugar on the other line I better hear you say it!
Jerry Maguire: Yeah, ye – no, show you the money!
Rod Tidwell: AH! Not show YOU! Show ME the money!
Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: Yeah, that’s it brother but you got to yell that shit!
Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: Louder!
Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!

Jerry Maguire: How’s your head?
Rod Tidwell: Bubblicious.

Ray: D’you know that the human head weighs 8 pounds?
Jerry Maguire: Did you know that Troy Aikman, in only six years, has passed for 16,303 yards?
Ray: D’you know that bees and dogs can smell fear?
Jerry Maguire: Did you know that the career record for hits is 4,256 by Pete Rose who is NOT in the Hall of Fame?
Ray: D’you know that my next door neighbor has three rabbits?
Jerry Maguire: I… I can’t compete with that!

Jerry Maguire: Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren’t completely embarassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow’s embarrassment?

Avery Bishop: There is no real loyalty, and the first person who taught me that was you.
Jerry Maguire: I figure I was trying to sleep with you at the time.
Avery Bishop: Well, it worked.

Rod Tidwell: Who’s your motherfucker?
Jerry Maguire: You’re my motherfucker!

Jerry Maguire: Do you want this jacket? I don’t need it. I’m cloaked in failure!

Jerry Maguire: Jump in my nightmare, the water’s warm!

Jerry Maguire: The fuckin zoo is closed, Ray.
Ray: You said fuck.
Jerry Maguire: Uh… yeah… I…
Ray: Don’t worry. I won’t tell.

Jerry Maguire: What do you want from me? My soul?
Dorothy: Why not? I deserve that much.

Jerry Maguire: This is going to change everything.
Dorothy: Promise?

Jerry Maguire: Im not letting you get rid of me. how about that? tonight our company, our little buisness had a very big night, but it wasnt complete. it wasnt even close to being in the same vacinity as complete, because i couldnt share it with you. i couldnt laugh about it with you. im miss… i miss my wife.

Jerry Maguire: I love you. You… complete me.
Dorothy: Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at “hello.”

Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!

Jerry Maguire: That’s more than a dress. That’s an Audrey Hepburn movie.

Jerry Maguire: But if anybody else wants to come with me, this moment will be the ground floor of something real and fun and inspiring and true in this godforsaken business and we will do it together! Who’s coming with me besides…”Flipper” here?

[Looking over an inadequate contract]
Jerry Maguire: I’ll go back to them.
Marcee Tidwell: And say what? “Please remove your dick from my ass”?

Jerry Maguire: We live in a cynical world. A cynical world. And we work in a business of tough competitors. I love you. You… complete me.

Rod Tidwell: I feel for you, man. But a real man wouldn’t shoplift the pootie from a single mom.
Jerry Maguire: I didn’t shoplift the pootie.
[Rod gives him a long Look]
Jerry Maguire: All right. I shoplifted the pootie.

Jerry Maguire: I hated myself… no, I hated my place in the world.

Rod Tidwell: I am a valuable commodity! I go across the middle! I see a dude coming at me, trying to kill me, I tell myself “Get killed. Catch the ball!’ BOO YA! Touchdown! I make miracles happen!
Jerry Maguire: Rod…
Rod Tidwell: I’m from Arizona Jerry! I broke Arizona records! I went to Arizona State! I’m a Sun Devil, man!
Jerry Maguire: And now you want Arizona dollars?
Rod Tidwell: Exaaaacctly!

Jerry Maguire: Don’t worry, I’m not gonna do what you all think I’m gonna do, which is, you know, FLIP OUT!

Rod Tidwell: Ya know! Ya know! We’re together on this one! Ya know! Ya know!
Jerry Maguire: Oh my god.

Jerry Maguire: Rod, think about back when you were a little kid. It wasn’t about the money, was it? Was it?
[Questionably]
Jerry Maguire: Was it?

Jerry Maguire: Help me… help you. Help me, help you.

Rod Tidwell: Thanks for coming.
Jerry Maguire: I missed ya. What can I say? You’re all I’ve got.

[Jerry and Dorothy are in the elevator and a hearing impaired couple gets on. The man of the couple starts talking with his hands, then they get off]
Jerry Maguire: I wonder what he just said.
Dorothy: My favorite aunt is hearing impaired. He just said “You complete me”.

Jerry Maguire: I started talking to Dennis Wilburn about your re-negotiation this morning.
Rod Tidwell: Talking. Jerry Rice, Andre Reed, Chris Carter… I smell all these fools. They are making the big sweet dollars. They are making the… quan, and you are talking.